Resolutions?

Most years I would make some feeble sort of resolution to change something in my life but this year I've been prompted in advance to make some changes so living up to the usual resolution process is something that finally has relevance.

I may have written about my semi recent debacle at the gallery, a failure to bring expectations to bear, where the things I said I'd make couldn't be finished so the wonderful big dreams of advancement for both myself and the gallery became merely a whisper that passed by without many taking the time to listen.

I've been trying to get back up ever since and it's been a trial which came to a head last week with the PC going into a deep ditch and all my coffee grounds blocking a drain and me realising I was manifesting blocks of a negative nature and I needed to get in touch with the Universe to find out how I could remedy the situation and get back to being a useful forward motioning human.

Now I have to admit I've always been inclined to doing as little as possible, I'm lazy, which has it's advantages of course, but so much needs to be done in my life that my tendency to do nothing has ended up with a very big pile of need to do's.

I've know this for a while but still grappled with getting going with my tendency to be lazy often winning out but last week it all came to a head with the manifested blockages and it became time to get hold of a wonderfully keen psychic and get the inside line on why I've been crawling forward as opposed to a good sprint.

The long and the short of it is that I've got some karma from a previous life sittin' on my shoulders and it has to be dealt with if I'm to get where I've always known I should be.

I'fe had a few past life indications and the absolute first ones where when I was at art school and in drawing a self portrait of myself I ended up drawing two faces in my hair. One was an African and the other was Japanese. It was the sort of drawing where one draws kinda sketchily and then follow the hints in the tangle of lines. It wasn't till years later that I was in a Japanese restaurant, facing my first use of chopsticks, and had ordered a dish, which I was told was a favourite peasant dish, which ended up being a soup in a bowl with noodles... my hands just knew what to do and I picked up the chopsticks with one hand and the bowl with the other and proceeded to do something' like a native, that I'd never done before. This is how past lives become known to me. When I do something or know something I haven't been taught and just get.

There are other past life stories and they all have different levels where they apply to self. The Japanese one was always there as I'd always felt a deep and abiding love of stuff Japanese and especially their sense of enviroment with zen gardens and stuff like that. So I knew I had this Japanese pastlife and lt was close to the surface, as in being able to use chopsticks, and helping to define my aesthetic sense, but until the phone call to the 0900 psychic I hadn't realised how pervasive it was in my character of this life.

So the long and the short of it is that this character I was previously was a peasant who had to work all his life, hard word he felt was below his abilities, and always felt a sense of entitlement for a better life with work rewarded and allowing for advancement. This left him without and so these karmic burdens have passed on to me. I have an ability to work hard but the karma is such that I'll take any opportunity I can to not work, feeling it won't get me anywhere quickly, and also feel a need to grab hold of things that were denied me in the previous life. Now this may be fairly normal but for me being told of this previous life made absolute sense. This is where the reality of past lives become a reality. When the leftovers of a previous incarnation hold us back in this life and we get to a point where the knowledge of a previous existence makes absolute sense and resonates completely with the problems of self we are facing. Not only that but all the loose threads of our lives become a knot that can only be unraveled by taking heed of the injustices we feel need the light of a court of truth.

For me, then, I cannot go forward to this dream I have of being in the country and working at my art, and an artist, so I'm told, is what I'm here to do, in support of being a communicator, until I tidy up the big mess I've made here in Otara. I have to sort out the property and finish all the building, tidy up as it were, and in doing so get over my tendencies to be lazy and the collection of things I'm deprived of.

And the other way it all makes sense to me is in my abilities to build and communicate. I've always felt that building, the art of composing something, underlies everything I do, and that the reson I build is to communicate to others how I see the world and what we can do while we're here. So when I had my warehouse in Newton back in the 90's and built a house in it it was a natural progression to be here in Otara and have a property with actual land to play with and build on to further my learning in building and communicating ideas. But the land got me. The land requires so much more than what I'd learnt building on a static base like a concrete enclosure like I had in Newton. The land is always moving and redefining itself so work needs to be done that defines for a long time how things will be. The land and it's permeability creates a need that says we have to know exactly where we're going with it and start at the beginning. I thought I was doing that when I had four truckloads of broken footpath dropped on the front lawn way back in about 2001 but I was wrong, and kinda right, in doing that as well as planting trees here and there. What was mostly wrong was my thinking that I could do all the base work and then progress through it all as one big palette but time has educated me otherwise and the lesson I have learned is that land has to be broken a step at a time and built to last with on going maintenance in mind.