We're all working through shit.

I've kinda had enough critisism of myself over the years that when I do criticise others I pretty much know I'm talking about myself, that in seeing what's problematic in others is really just a reflection of what I'm not able to recognise in myself so by putting it out there as critisism of others there's a fairly good likelihood that it'll come home to roost as a critisism of myself.

Hopefully I'm self aware enough to see this, not always of course because I'm like most others humans and capable of mistakes and blunders, but in the end I usually see that whatever  I think others are guilty of I have a responsibility to own whatever I'm seeing in others as it is actually in myself.

But what's really problematic is when I forget that my ability to take responsibility for my wrongs isn't always the same for others especially in close knit relationships. The thing is I'm really quite forgiving of myself but hopefully not to the extent that even before I do blunder, and become aware that I will, that I would carry on regardless just for the fun of it... let the venting occur in some hilltop hideaway of infinite forgiveness... as that's where responsibility comes in, as in why end up responsible for something when not doing it in the first place means there isn't anything to be responsible for?

Because it needs to come out. Simple as that.

Something or someone becomes a metaphor for our own internal chaos and it's just too damned complicated to see in ourselves so we need to project out onto the world what it is we're actually dealing with and if we're lucky we can see quite early on that this is what we're actually doing but if we're unlucky.... well, along comes the blame game.

And of course the reason for this posting is that I've got caught up in my own stupidity.  That while trolling through my own mess I've reflected/projected it out into the world and the shit has stuck. Bummer.

Now (as in it's later than the above was written and saved as a draft) it seems I wasn't even caught out but simply misread something but in taking it all as far as I did, in reflecting back at myself, I've hopefully learnt a lesson without actually causing the grief I thought I might have. But still the thought was there, the guilt I felt makes that obvious and even while the airing in public hasn't happened  it still kinda did happen anyways... underneath everything that lies under the surface of life.